Don’t?

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I’ve been trying to get organised, which is a mammoth task since I kinda fell behind about a year or so ago. Granted, when you can’t even face mealtimes, admin and alphabetical filing just seems ridiculous. Sorting through some sketches I had stored in a far off file on a disused digital device, I came across this sad little character from exactly a year ago. I was feeling very vulnerable at the time, and rightly so it turned out. I had been praying for mercy, but kinda knew that heartbreak was inevitable. I like the doodle, even if the memory still hurts like hell. It reminds me how pivotal drawing has been in my recovery and how far I’ve come since then. If there is one thing I can depend on it’s the fact that as long as I armed with pen and paper – I can fight through the darkest of days.

 

And back.

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And I brought a few monsters back with me.

Quote by the Marquis de Sade. I first heard it in the film Quills, which I highly recommend if you’re starved for something to watch.

Happy days.

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I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up lately, confusing brutality with beauty. But the real beauty is that sometimes happiness happens to you, whether you went looking for it or not. Charlie Chaplin said: “Despair is a narcotic. It lulls the mind into indifference.” And I admit, I was a junkie. It’s too easy to believe that things will never get better and it’s safer just to stay sad, but Charlie also says: “Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.” When the heavy feeling suddenly passes it’s kinda difficult to remember what was really holding you down. Just trust me, wait it out.

You hang on to your eccentricities!

Derren Brown Quote

 

My first day as Miss Roe, English teacher, has been a huge success! My kids seem bright and responsive which is always a relief. And the faculty is friendly to say the least! Teaching is such a rewarding job and I feel a little better about my life already.

Twenty fourteen.

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This year’s been the toughest yet. But I started thinking that maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be if you want to level up in life. For me, 2014 was a year marked by loss. But because I lost things I get to get new things! The year ahead promises new opportunities and an entirely different lifestyle. I’m starting a new job, a new cat moved in, and I’ve even made a few new friends. I feel truly optimistic about the future for the first time in a very long time. And I am leaving everything that hurt or hindered me right here in 2014.

2015 Manifesto:

  1. Be really brave.
  2. Cultivate creative habits. Draw everyday.
  3. Rather count on a small amount of good people than a good amount of small people.
  4. Move more, moan less.
  5. Grow lots of plants.
  6. Listen more than you speak.
  7. Recycle and read everything you can.
  8. Grow up not old.
  9. Go back to school.
  10. Make the life you want! Fuck office hours!

When you are insane… Christmas may seem CRAZY

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And the holidays seem to amplify any insanity. Many people struggle with depression over the holidays, but if you’ve been diagnosed with a psychiatric illness things can get very dark very quickly. And all the jingles and the family movies and the faerie lights of Christmas gets to be too much, even so that spending time with family feels like a punishment. BUT it’s all in your head. Whether I believe it or not, my family loves me and spending time with them is healing, And if I’m not well, my family would WANT to help, it’s easy to feel like a burden or a Grinch. But just remember the happiness you felt Christmas morning when you were little, deep down Christmas makes humans feel good, you gotta let it to it’s magic though!  If you’re feeling a bit down before the big festivities here’s some helpful information to keep you chipper. If you don’t have anyone to open gifts with this year, don’t freak out either, I’ll be blogging throughout the holidays, tell ME all about it!

There is a screaming…

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I was so struck by this quote from the film Van Diemen’s Land it has stuck with me for years. There is a screaming in me, and maybe you have one too, whether it’s a vision or a nightmare, somethings just won’t shut up.

It’s a brilliant film, but quite challenging to watch. It wouldn’t be my top pick for family movie night, but if you’re ever in the mood for an eerie adventure, this is the film that will creep quietly into your nightmares. And nest there.

There is only one position for an artist.

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“There is only one position for an artist and that is upright.” – Dylan Thomas (Interesting guy: In his later life he acquired a reputation, which he encouraged, as a “roistering, drunken and doomed poet”.)

Finding inspirational quotes is something I find a lot of peace and solace in. When I came across this little gem by Dylan Thomas it reminded me that as artists (whatever kind that might be) we have the unique gift of turning whatever we’re feeling into something tangible. And because of that we have no excuse to be lazy or to wallow in misery. If you need therapy, make something. Chances are, the more intense the emotion, the more epic the creation. Your outlet could encourage someone else, or if you’re lucky you could even make some money from your creations. Either way getting up and making something tends to set stuff in motion, even when you feel entirely powerless.

Stay still.

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I’m sick and stressed out and it’s worked for me. Whether you’re ill or upset, just taking a few seconds to breathe and focus on some other stuff can be really helpful with any bad joojoo.